How Protestants Saved Me From Leaving the Catholic Church

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When I went to college I didn’t know my faith very well.

I knew there were differences between Catholics and Protestants, but I was unaware that the distinctions were big enough to cause any real problems.

Pretty naive, I guess.

This all came into graphic relief during my last year at William Jewell College (a historically Baptist college). A communications major (a Catholic) was giving her senior presentation about Christian unity at Jewell. One negative example she gave was of overhearing a conversation where the Student Senate president, who was Catholic, was referred to as “Satan.” 

I was stunned.

That Catholic Student Senate president was me.

I was given this nasty moniker not because of the kind of person I was, but simply because I was Catholic.

In that moment I realized the Catholic-Protestant divide was no joke and there were a lot of people out there who had really big feelings about it all. Rather than being appalled, I wanted to jump in. While I didn’t understand exactly what all the fuss was about, I was put on notice.

Not to further divide, but unite.

A hope for healing, unity, and understanding between all Christians came alive in me.

Most all of my interactions with Protestants at William Jewell College were really strong. I never experienced personally the anti-Catholic bias that was referenced in this speech. Whether it was in small group settings or on retreats or serving at soup kitchens I only knew Christian unity, nothing else. Which is why it surprised me so much to hear Christian disunity expressed so blatantly.

In fact throughout my conversion experience in college I encountered three things from Protestant Christians at William Jewell that ultimately ensured I never left the Catholic Church, and as such, have become something of a template (of course alongside this, this, and most recently this) for an approach to Christian unity these many years later.

No one spoke ill of the Catholic Church to me. It didn’t take me very long, while I was on campus, to realize that non-Catholic Christians had real questions about what Catholics believe, but I never encountered anyone going on the offensive. Sure, things came up regarding our beliefs about things like praying to saints or the authority of the Pope, but never was I made to feel ashamed of who I was as a Catholic.

No one encouraged me to leave the Catholic Church. This never came up. This hasn’t been every Catholic’s experience, but it was mine. I was in a number of strong men’s groups towards the end of college, regularly engaging other non-Catholic Christians in faith related discussions. Never once was I encouraged to “check out their Church” or reconsider mine. I’m really grateful for this because my experience as a Catholic who had awakened to Jesus, become his disciple, and desired to lead others to him would be a mission fulfilled within, rather than outside of, the Catholic Church.

The focus was on Jesus. More than anything I walked away from my relationships with other Christians at William Jewell with a greater love for Jesus. Jesus was the focus, the center, and the end-goal. This shaped the sort of Catholicism I would embrace beyond my time at William Jewell. Come to find out it was also the Christocentric Catholicism of John Paul II, Benedict XVI and our current Pope Francis.

This focus on Jesus prepared me to re-receive the gift of Jesus in the sacramental life of the Church.

• Receiving Jesus in the Eucharist became meaningful and eagerly desired, rather than rote and impersonal.

• Going to confession and knowing that my sins have been forgiven was no semi-annual afterthought, it was healing, sanity, and mercy.

This all kept me Catholic. 

People who loved Jesus were willing to share his love with me - no matter the crazy scary nicknames uttered about me behind my back. 

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15 Lessons My Saintly Lion Taming Ninja Warrior Wife Has Taught Me

Since we met in 1997 no one on earth has had a bigger impact on me than Jill Erin O’Hara. 

Seventeen short months later we were married. Life hasn’t been the same since that wonderful day, November 28, 1998. 

We’ve served together across the country and around the globe, lived in household with over 70 young adults, been blessed to be foster parents to 13 little ones, and honored to call 4 of them sons as adoptive parents. 

Jill is an unwieldy mash-up of wisdom, grit, beauty, holiness, athleticism, and awkward. I love her to pieces. 

She is my best friend and the greatest wife-mom-magician I’ll ever know. And in honor of Mother’s Day (and our fifteen years of marriage) I wanted to share the 15 most important lessons that I have learned from her, so far. 

1. Love acts. I can hear her thinking “Ryan, your words are nice, but actions speak much much louder. Do something already!”

2. Saving is sexy. She is one frugal son-of-a-gun. And I’m so grateful. 

3. Giving is sexier. She has taught me the joy and freedom of giving generously.

4. A hug is always better than a handshake. Hug and kiss the ones you love, often. 

5. Dare to do great things for God. From sharing the Gospel door-to-door to lifelong ministry to Christian community to foster care and adoption, Jill has challenged me out of my comfort zone. 

6. Ask God for small things too. God is aware of every last need - no matter how insignificant.

7. Fear is for fools. She is absolutely fearless and calls me on in this area big time.

8. Love unreciprocated is just that. She has taught me to love others (especially our sons) regardless of their response. 

9. Don’t over-relate to your emotions. She has taught me that emotions are unreliable indicators of most everything (except what you happen to be feeling at the moment).

10. What someone else thinks of you is their problem. She has taught me that people pleasing is for suckers.  Still working on this one. 

11. Worrying is a big waste of time.  Her question: “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” always changes my perspective.

12. If you really want to do something, have the courage to be honest and talk about it. She has taught me not to be a passive aggressive punk. 

13. If you are in charge, be courageous enough to lead (or get out of the driver’s seat).  She has encouraged me to lead with confidence and trust the authority that’s been given to me

14. It’s better to go deep with a few friends than shallow with many. She is a friend’s friend.  She’ll give an arm and a leg to those she is closest too (me especially). 

15. People before screens. Our devices are a means to an end, not an end unto themselves. 

Which of these lessons do you need to heed? What lessons has your spouse taught you? Share in the comments section below. 

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It's not about the 'likes' on Facebook, but it is.

Recently my 9 year old son was in a 1 Mile Fun Run sponsored by the YMCA. He placed 3rd out of 100. He ran really hard and did his absolute best. Jill and I were really proud of him.

After run club at the YMCA, a few days later, I asked him if he ran hard during practice. He said “yes.” I replied, “you know I put up a picture of you running that race on Facebook.” He immediately wanted to see it (above).

When I got to the car I fired up the picture on the Facebook app on my phone. He looked at it for a few seconds then said: “I can’t open the likes.”

Pause.

He continued, “I’m done with the comments, I wanna see the likes.” I was tempted to respond, “it’s not about the likes”, but I stopped myself when I thought ‘wait a minute, it is about the likes.’ He’s no different than me (or you too, perhaps).

I know in my head that it isn’t about the likes, but for me, in my heart, it still is.

Bummer.

I was stuck. I knew the right answer, but I hesitated to share it because its truth hadn’t taken root fully in my life.

St John Paul II once said: 

“Modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than to teachers, and if he does listen to teachers, it is because they are witnesses.”

It’s not just right information that is most helpful, but truth melded with real life that communicates so powerfully. I stopped myself before I said “it’s not about the likes”, because had he asked I wouldn’t have had any real example to back it up, no story from my life to bring the ideas from the sky to the ground.

It would’ve been just talk. True talk, but not truth that had found its way into my everyday behavior. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think a father should stray away from telling the truth to their kids, but I was convicted that this was something that was still out of order in me and honestly I didn’t know what I was gonna say next.

Jesus might say to my son Christian “do as your Dad says, not as he does”, but that’s for Jesus to say about me, not for me to say about myself.

I’m still working on my words and actions matching up.  You?

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Answers Drool, Questions RULE! Three Virtues Motor Mouths Might Miss

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Recently I was driving my 12 year old son around and he was getting annoyed with my line of questions.

They weren’t rhetorical questions like: When are you going to grow up? or harassing ones like: When are you going to grow up?

Just simple, ‘help me understand what’s going on in your life kind of questions.’ School, friends, preferences, sports and the like.

This has been a recurring challenge, as my almost teenaged son holds many of my inquiries with much more suspicion than he used to.

I let the dust settle.

After a few minutes of quiet I broke the silence with “Do you know why I ask you questions?” He replied back “because you don’t know the answer?” I said, “that’s true, that’s the practical reason, but there’s more to it. I ask you questions because I love you.”

Asking good questions is a great way to demonstrate to anyone that you really care about them.

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and it’s a one-way street heading right back to them. This can be really frustrating.

When the bible says “love one another” unfortunately it doesn’t then rattle off thousands of real-life examples. Much of the application of this verse is, in each and every moment, putting someone else’s needs before your own. In conversations with someone else, good questions can do just that.

I could be the exception, but I’m really blessed by the effort someone makes to ask a good question about my life. Assuming they want a real response from me, it is a very simple, practical way to be supportive as life bears down. It often helps me to uncover what’s really going on inside.  

Thinking of and asking good questions of people we care about (or even people we don’t too much like) is an exercise in virtue. We become better people when we do it. When I choose to ask and listen first and expect to talk second I grow in humility (putting others first, me second), empathy (imagining life from their perspective) and magnanimity (great hearted, generous, warm and welcoming).

Here’s a good cheat sheet to help you grow in humility, empathy, and magnanimity the next time you find yourself in conversation (like, say, tomorrow):

1. Keep questions open-ended. Ask questions that can’t be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no.’  A simple example would be “What do you like about your job?” versus “Do you like your job?” The first question keeps the conversation flowing the second one might not.
2. Ask questions about what you’ve talked about before. The more you practice this the better you will become at remembering important events, milestones, concerns in peoples lives. This might raise the creepout factor for you, but I’ve been known to write things down from conversations I have with people to make sure I don’t forget the details of what they shared with me. I write it down because I care.
3. Ask about what you don’t know, but would like to. What do you want to know about the person? It doesn’t have to go super deep. It can be anything from interests/hobbies/preferences to current trials/challenges all the way to hopes and dreams. Take your pick. Ask something open ended like this and you’ll be surprised at what might be stirred up right then, right there.

Has this been your experience? How has your life been impacted by good questions? What’s another virtue that comes by asking questions in conversation?

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5 Things to Do Because You Look at Your Phone Too Much.

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Ever been tempted to drop your iPhone off the nearest cliff? Smash it with a hammer?

I have.

Not because it wasn’t working, but precisely because it was. It works so well that it never leaves me alone. It’s always right there clamoring for attention.

Beeping, buzzing, chirping, glowing.

Look at me. Touch me. Ignore important stuff (like the road). Hey you, I’m over here!

Sound familiar?

I often think that my subconscious is gonna take over and force me to drop it out the car window or play bouncy ball with it on the cement. 

I’m sick of the darn little thing.

Though I make it sound like all of this is just happening to me, I know that my phone only has as much power as I have given it. So, for the foreseeable future I am going to take some control back and work on five things to put that little dude in its place.

1. Turn off all non-phone related notifications. I go to my phone enough as it is, I don’t also need it getting up off the shelf and walking over to me.  I’m well connected to the internet and social media and I’m not gonna miss things I need to see.
2. Keep it off of my person whenever possible I’ll keep it in a bag, coat pocket or whatever. It’ll be just fine in there.
3. Don’t pick it up first thing in the morning. For a long time I had the bad habit staying in bed soaking my morning brain in all things pointless while ignoring human kids needing my attention in the living room. Not anymore. I purposely moved my bedside table far enough away that I can’t turn off the alarm without getting out of bed. This has really helped.
4. Put it down before I go to bed at night. For a long time I had the bad habit of laying in bed at night soaking my brain… You get the point. 
5. Read something non-electronical in the bathroom. Nuff said.

What about you? Do you hate/love your iPhone? What do you do to put your phone in its place?

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